externalmonologue: (Angry)
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Agent Hikari-Kyoyama!

Front and center, NOW!

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 08:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
Agent, you're going a little stir crazy.

Your enthusiasm is appreciated. However, your respect for the chain of command is lax!

Do you, perhaps, feel under-appreciated, agent?!

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 08:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
[ Oh, dear Taiyounomaru... ]

Um... Can I be honest, sir?

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
Well... All right, I guess I shouldn't cut corners anymore, so...

One thing that I really don't tell people all that much is back when I received my scar on my back, that was a moment where I felt like if I just pushed myself hard enough, I'd be able to defeat my then enemy Shichiyou. However, when I passed out and my mama took me to the hospital in Tokyo... I felt weak, even though she told me to not feel that way any more.

So, I was put through about a year and a half of physical rehabilitation and I eventually felt stronger and better. Like, if I continue at that, I'd be able to beat him one day. So, I worked tirelessly for years to perfect my talents and increase what I had tenfold so that I wouldn't feel weak anymore.

I guess that's also the reason I decided to be a boy instead of a girl, too, because...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that... after all these years and after all the battles and fights I've been in, I'm... really insecure inside and I don't know how to get rid of it. I've tried forgetting about it, I've tried training until I can't get up anymore, I've tried everything and... it just hasn't worked.

[ A few fresh tears spring to her eyes and she quickly brings her hands to cover her eyes and make them stop falling. ]

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
[Ivan listens to all of this patiently. When she finishes, he reaches out to take her hands and lowers them forcefully to her side.]

Stop. You've chosen to be paramilitary under me. That includes military bearing. You are allowed to cry, but you may NOT react to those tears until I give you permission, and I have not yet given you permission.

You will hear what I have to say, agent.

Your insecurity is apparent. You have something to prove. You're TRYING TOO HARD. Why do you think I'm not giving you recognition, other than a pat on the back and a "That's enough for today"?

It's not because you're doing a bad job. It's because you don't think you're doing a good job, and you're letting THAT guide your actions. So long as you do that, you will never, never be what you want to be, and I can never tell you that you're good enough because it will only reinforce the behavior.

You can fight, nobody's doubting that. But you cannot yet lead. You, Hoshi Hikari-Kyoyama, will get yourself, and everyone beneath you killed so long as you march on with something to prove.

Such as with Agent Suzumiya. One SINGLE misplaced word WILL spell the end of a world, possibly multiple worlds. You want to try, you think that you can do it... That's fine. It's NOT fine to speak out of turn when you are presented with reasons why you should not, by several commanders.

It is unbecoming of a solider. It is unbecoming of a lord. And it is unbecoming of a young woman who wants to be more than she is.

If you want to get rid of it? You don't need to win. You need to learn how to lose, and move on from that loss carrying only the experience, not the weight of the failure.

Do I make myself clear, Agent?

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
[ Her vision is blurry in her red eyes and she tries to hold her tears back as best as she possibly can. ]

... the thing is...

Sometimes I feel like that experience that defined my life never changed anything. Like, I haven't grown up at all and I'm still a child.

Another thing, sir, is that sometimes my smiles and good moods are false. I smile to try to keep the pain and everything off. I don't want to worry others and I try to internalize everything that I'm worried about so that I can help other people out.

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
Okay, let's address that first.

[Ivan reaches out and bops her on the head.]

Bad. Stop that. Cry, or I will MAKE you cry.

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
... okay.

[ And she starts crying. Her sounds are a little muffled, but the tears do finally fall down her cheeks. ]

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
Now. You haven't grown up. You ARE still a child.

That is not a bad thing! And if you think that your life-defining moment changed nothing, then you are a fool!

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
[ She blinks a little bit in surprise as she stares a little bit at her higher up. ]

S-Sir?

[ However, she's still crying. ]

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
You try to grow up too fast! You haven't let yourself be a child! You are being MORE childish than most children!

You're trying to act like an adult when you haven't learned the lessons an adult needs to learn as a child!

You say your good moods and smiles are false? A lot of peoples' are! This is not hidden knowledge! Do you think that I am always such a loveable teddy bear?!

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
... no... [ Though, the mental image is fairly amusing and she tries to resist laughing at that. ]

Maybe... I have grown up too fast.

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
Now then!

[Ivan turns and grabs a box of tissues off his desk]

Take several of these.

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 09:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
[ She takes the tissues and she blows her nose in one of them and uses another one to blot up her tears. ]

Should I still cry?

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 10:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
If you need to.

[Ivan sets the box down, then he turns and scoops Hoshi up into a bear hug that lifts her off the ground]

Now, we are doing two things this week.

Tomorrow, we go to carnival island!

And once you have been sufficiently de-aged... We will then deal with heavy ordanance. And you will see why inexperienced training is a bad idea!

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 10:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
[ What in my three lives is going on?!

She hugs Ivan back and kinda, well, lays her head on his chest. ]


Okay. I like that, sir. Thank you.

Um, can I ask you a question?

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 10:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
You can ask. I may not answer.

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 10:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
... even if I ripped your mouth off? [ Hey, she's trying to joke and lighten the mood. ]

Re: [Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 10:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xtrnlmonologue.livejournal.com
As if you could rip my mouth off!

[Is he not aware of his verbal tic? Is it a joke? The world may never know.]

[Action!]

Date: 2010-12-29 10:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] soul-on-light.livejournal.com
I was joking, sir!

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externalmonologue: (Default)
Ivan. JUST Ivan.

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